I jumped out of my bed yesterday morning and thought it was March 12th already. It's now the date, but I'm now feeling there are no such significant changes about myself compared to yesterday. Today, on the day when I was born, exactly 24 years ago, I am still exactly what I was. Then I took myself back to the same day, back then a year ago, to see myself on my 23rd birthday when I made one of the biggest decisions in my life: moving away from the very-comfortable-zone city, Yogyakarta. I still remember how hard I cried that day thinking I'm not gonna see myself waking up every day enjoying the city which so many people fall in love with. I was freaking and wondering how much difficult it would be to live in a brand new surrounding with daily activities which obviously different from my comfort zone before, yet I knew it had been one of the things that I'm always passionate with. And so I got myself brought back even further before it, the latest-22-me, the toughest period of my quarter life's crisis and remembered how broken I was back then. I was in deep thought while preparing myself to start my daily activity until finally, I stopped when I saw myself's reflection—in a broken mirror. * * * I suddenly got my eyes blurred as with my tears. I'm not as broken as that mirror--any longer. I'm now very different from myself, a year ago. Now I know what I want, I feel grateful that I can do something I'm passionate with, and most importantly, I can consider myself as someone that can be a beneficial one for my surrounding. No, I know this is not the end, I'm still craving for more as I know what I have been doing until now is just a form of a beginning. I have to stick on this kind of feeling. I have to do more. Today is totally not the year-by-year birthday I usually get every single year. There are nothing such actually planned birthday surprises with the birthday songs completed with the cake and gifts as I have always been getting into the whole of my life. Nothing but the simplicity, with a heart filled with love from everywhere around me. Again, I'm so proud of myself that I'm now (finally) at peace with myself and accepting 'me' more than ever. Apart from the selfishness or self-centered-character, I'm so grateful of myself with everything I am now. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah. Few words of love recorded: Also read hijrah-dan-zona-nyaman.html
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Author:Retmi Ardilla Archives
March 2019
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